Ya know, I'll be honest, it scared both Garrett and I to death when we looked at our referral. It wasn't the girls. It wasn't the information being given to us. It was the magnitude of being parents to not one, but two little girls.
We knew that we had opened ourselves up to the option and we believed (as all of those who choose adoption do) that your children are divinely chosen to be yours in the same way any biological child is. The design of a family is in hands far more powerful than ours and who would we be to question or limit the number of children we could love. As long as we were financially capable, we knew the love would come easy.
Let me tell you how much easier that is said BEFORE you realize you are taking on two toddlers! Oh my goodness, the stress of planning for two, the questions that run through you head, the fears that come rushing to mind that somehow never seemed to crop up pre-referral.
That said, once the decision was made to accept our referral (which emotionally took a single glance at their photographs) we just dug our heals in and moved forward.
I imagine it's the same for any woman expecting multiples, be it through adoption or womb, it is a gift you take on with joy and hope in the future lives of the little ones you are going to welcome into your home.
Long story short, ya just make it work. I worry now more about my sanity than anything, but the love is NEVER lacking. My biggest flaw, as I have heard is the case with most parents, is that I sometimes forget that the dishes can wait, the errand running will hold off until tomorrow and the laundry will sit for another hour or two, but my girls will grow up too fast and these precious moments I have will pass by. I fear that I miss to many of those moments even now. Time is so precious.
Again, I am moving into a totally different subject..... back to siblings.
Our girls are almost two years apart. They spent about 6 months in separate parts of the orphanage, but did see each other on a regular basis. Now they see each other all the time (obviously) but you would never know they were ever apart. They really are best friends. They get the giggles together, laugh together, watch Sesame Street together, conspire against Momma together- all of it.
Even from the very beginning, when we brought them home, it was obvious that they found comfort in one another. We have heard many stories of parents that have remained with their adopted child for the entire length of the night, sometimes even for months after arriving home. Some families using the "family bed" approach, others remaining in the child's bedroom through the night. We did neither of these. We put the girls in their room and we went into ours. Aside from the jet lag, we didn't have too much of a problem with bed time. They were one anothers comfort. They went to bed together. They woke up together. Coming from an orphange full of children into a home where you have your own room would be drastic for ME let alone a toddler. The buffer of having one another showed itself (and continues to) every day. Even from the beginning it was clear that they were one anothers best support and they have remained that way.
There are very obvious areas of benefit for both of them, even now that they have been home seven months. They help one another with their language skills (you have to talk pretty well to keep up in this house), and even their developmental skills. Learning shapes, colors, letters, words, even potty training is a team effort around here. What one says that we are confused by, the other one translates into something we understand. It's kinda like two teams in one house that make up one unit. Daddy and Momma. Macie and Ella. We take each other on sometimes, but when we are working together we are hilariously unified. There are a lot of "Good job"'s and "You did great"'s. The time the girls spend together has been crucial to independent play too. They don't depend on Momma, which means things CAN get done around the house without both of them attached to my person.
I think though, that above all else, the most valuable aspect of bringing siblings home is the history that they share with one another. They may fight in the future. They may go completely different directions in life, but they will always have one another to cling to when it comes to their past. They have the same foundation. The same country. The same orphanage. The same love. The same pain. The same Ababa. The same Amama. The same brothers and aunts and uncles and grandparents. When the time comes to go back and visit Ethiopia, if they want to seek out family, they can do that as sisters and as friends, together. I could take them there. I could listen. I could watch videos, and learn endless amounts about what it is like to be from Ethiopia and adopted into a U.S. family, but I could never give them anything like what they have in one another.
I envy it sometimes, the history they share. I want so much to be part of it, to understand more of it and remember those things with them. That being beyond my grasp, I am so thankful that they have one another. More thankful than words can express really. It is a precious thing to have a sister, no matter what distance lies between you. It is an unbreakable connection that ties you and I see that in my girls. It is good.
Siblings are such a blessing. Stay open to it. If it's meant to be, it WILL be. Trust. It's what adoption, and life for that matter, is all about.
