Sunday, January 31, 2010
Questions
OK- I'm drawing a blank on what to write. Anybody have any ideas? Questions? Cool stories they want to post for me? LOL!
Saturday, January 30, 2010
More Snow!!
Wednesday, January 27, 2010
Facebook. Anybody wanna join a group (or make one up)? I'm there. Find me. Just leave me a note that says you are interested in ET adoption stuff. We'll see what we can do about making up a group.
No structure- just for fun.
Beth
No structure- just for fun.
Beth
Tuesday, January 26, 2010
It's Not Fair!!!
I am putting these videos up because I think they are valuable. Valuable for those that are close to the subject of adoption in ANY way. They serve as a reminder that we, as adoptive parents with so much added variety in our family, have CHOSEN to learn and grow in our knowledge and appreciation of who our children are, where they come from and what life will and should be about for them. Adoption doesn't stop after we bring them home.
We have had a lot of people ask us lately about adoption. About the trans-racial issues. About the international aspect. About the basic "why's".
I have been reminded and humbled by my initial pride (pre-girls at home) in what I thought was a great knowledge that I had gathered about the above issues. What I have learned (and am continuing to learn) is that these issues are far more vast than my little mind can comprehend. They are complex, they are innumberable, and they are always there.
Garrett and I are biological products of the parents that raised us and we have full knowledge of our family pasts. Our girls are adopted and came to us with a history we know little about. The girls had to adjust in EVERY area of their lives. We had limited adjusting to do. We are white. They are black. They are Ethiopian. We are American.
Yes, I realize I just stated the obvious facts, but believe it or not, these issues are avoided by many that don't want to talk about them. They are issues that can be (and have been by those we know) put aside as insignificant or small in our privileged white society. Let me tell you, they are neither small, nor insignificant and they will continue to be brought into consideration in many areas of our lives. They are what I think about when I look at neighborhoods to live in now, what I think about when I look at schools and states that we might be stationed at. From where we vacation to trips back to Northern California, they are on the forefront of my mind
Issues of race are real. Don't dismiss the issue when you are looking at adoption. It will play a bigger role than you think.
We have had a lot of people ask us lately about adoption. About the trans-racial issues. About the international aspect. About the basic "why's".
I have been reminded and humbled by my initial pride (pre-girls at home) in what I thought was a great knowledge that I had gathered about the above issues. What I have learned (and am continuing to learn) is that these issues are far more vast than my little mind can comprehend. They are complex, they are innumberable, and they are always there.
Garrett and I are biological products of the parents that raised us and we have full knowledge of our family pasts. Our girls are adopted and came to us with a history we know little about. The girls had to adjust in EVERY area of their lives. We had limited adjusting to do. We are white. They are black. They are Ethiopian. We are American.
Yes, I realize I just stated the obvious facts, but believe it or not, these issues are avoided by many that don't want to talk about them. They are issues that can be (and have been by those we know) put aside as insignificant or small in our privileged white society. Let me tell you, they are neither small, nor insignificant and they will continue to be brought into consideration in many areas of our lives. They are what I think about when I look at neighborhoods to live in now, what I think about when I look at schools and states that we might be stationed at. From where we vacation to trips back to Northern California, they are on the forefront of my mind
Issues of race are real. Don't dismiss the issue when you are looking at adoption. It will play a bigger role than you think.
Monday, January 25, 2010
The Club
Well, I'm not sure when the welcome invitation comes, but I'm fairly sure I am now eligible for entry into the "hated mothers" club. I got my first "Momma, I don't love you anymore!" the other day. Thankfully, the blow was softened a bit by equal irritation at Garrett with "Daddy, I don't love you anymore, either!". Does it hurt? A bit, but to be honest, my perspective appears different than most other mothers, at least it seems that way.
It's funny, the other day, someone who I hadn't seen in over a year asked, "How are the girls adjusting?". After all the anxiety over healthy transitions into our home, the "I don't love you" comments have cemented the fact that we have two very normal and well adjusted children. It's a phrase that is more sweet than bitter to this Momma's ears. It only means that Macie trusts us enough to know that she isn't going anywhere and that she can feel any emotion without fear of loss of her family. The power in the words is little. The safety she feels in the freedom to say it speaks much louder to me.
On a funny note, while Macie is finding her own 4-year-old ways of testing, her vocabulary and comprehension skills are exploding. Her sentences are 6-8 words now and she clearly expresses a tremendous desire to learn. That said, sometimes the shorter statements bring me just as much joy as the longer ones. Just the other day, we were watching a video where one of the characters was stuck in sand and was left there to wait for help. While this poor guy was describing how long he had been there and uncomfortable he was, Macie looked up at me, tilted her head and very matter-of-factly said "Well, that sucks.". She got a big grin out of me for that one.
Ella, on the other hand, has hit the stubborn part of her twos and is learning that boundaries don't budge much around here.
Silly parents that we are, we picked a battle that we shouldn't have (something we are still learning to discern), and after seeing Ella exit her bedroom one morning with her pants on backwards, we asked her to fix them (mind you we are well aware of her abilities and knowledge of front and back). She returned to her room, threw a bit of a fit and came out with her pants in hand looking at us like a lost puppy. She was directed back to her room where, after 10 minutes of screaming followed by 3 minutes of quiet, she exited. Her appearance was clearly intentional.
Our sweet, innocent Ella had tucked her bright green shirt into her dark brown pants which were clearly put on backwards. She had then taken the added step of rolling the waist of them down a single roll with the tag very clearly pulled out over her shirt. With both pointer fingers holding the tag of her pants directly over her shirted bellybutton her expression was one of obvious disgust at being challenged in what was now, to her, a very significant area of control.
It took everything I had in me to not roll on the floor laughing as I redirected her BACK to her room again. The battle continued for more than a few trips, but once lunchtime came around, her hunger outweighed her stubborn streak and she was suddenly more than capable of turning her pants around and apologizing to Momma and Daddy.
We wasted WAY too much of a perfectly good morning battling a two year old, but we got our point across. Parenting is an ongoing education.
I love my kids. They drive me insane some times, but I love them.
It's funny, the other day, someone who I hadn't seen in over a year asked, "How are the girls adjusting?". After all the anxiety over healthy transitions into our home, the "I don't love you" comments have cemented the fact that we have two very normal and well adjusted children. It's a phrase that is more sweet than bitter to this Momma's ears. It only means that Macie trusts us enough to know that she isn't going anywhere and that she can feel any emotion without fear of loss of her family. The power in the words is little. The safety she feels in the freedom to say it speaks much louder to me.
On a funny note, while Macie is finding her own 4-year-old ways of testing, her vocabulary and comprehension skills are exploding. Her sentences are 6-8 words now and she clearly expresses a tremendous desire to learn. That said, sometimes the shorter statements bring me just as much joy as the longer ones. Just the other day, we were watching a video where one of the characters was stuck in sand and was left there to wait for help. While this poor guy was describing how long he had been there and uncomfortable he was, Macie looked up at me, tilted her head and very matter-of-factly said "Well, that sucks.". She got a big grin out of me for that one.
Ella, on the other hand, has hit the stubborn part of her twos and is learning that boundaries don't budge much around here.
Silly parents that we are, we picked a battle that we shouldn't have (something we are still learning to discern), and after seeing Ella exit her bedroom one morning with her pants on backwards, we asked her to fix them (mind you we are well aware of her abilities and knowledge of front and back). She returned to her room, threw a bit of a fit and came out with her pants in hand looking at us like a lost puppy. She was directed back to her room where, after 10 minutes of screaming followed by 3 minutes of quiet, she exited. Her appearance was clearly intentional.
Our sweet, innocent Ella had tucked her bright green shirt into her dark brown pants which were clearly put on backwards. She had then taken the added step of rolling the waist of them down a single roll with the tag very clearly pulled out over her shirt. With both pointer fingers holding the tag of her pants directly over her shirted bellybutton her expression was one of obvious disgust at being challenged in what was now, to her, a very significant area of control.
It took everything I had in me to not roll on the floor laughing as I redirected her BACK to her room again. The battle continued for more than a few trips, but once lunchtime came around, her hunger outweighed her stubborn streak and she was suddenly more than capable of turning her pants around and apologizing to Momma and Daddy.
We wasted WAY too much of a perfectly good morning battling a two year old, but we got our point across. Parenting is an ongoing education.
I love my kids. They drive me insane some times, but I love them.
Tuesday, January 12, 2010
Parenting
How do you do it, this whole parenting thing? Where do you get the wisdom? The discernment? The energy? The heart?
There are days that it all comes easy, most of them, in fact. Days when love flows like water and laughter fills the house. I know that those days are supposed to make the not so great days easier to bear, but sometimes the not so great days are overwhelming and you begin to ask yourself a million little questions, wondering just how much you are doing right because so much seems to be going wrong.
Am I failing? Am I doing it wrong? Is my instinct as off as it seems to be? Should I never have been a mother at all?
I know that these thoughts will pass and we will move into easier days, but the tough ones are tough and the doubts are real. I promised honesty when I started this blog. Here it is. Honest doubt... in myself most of all.
All of that said, I could not ask, nor would I, for two more precious children then the two I have. Tough parts and all, they are the best part of me.
Sorry. It's just been a day. A day that will pass.
There are days that it all comes easy, most of them, in fact. Days when love flows like water and laughter fills the house. I know that those days are supposed to make the not so great days easier to bear, but sometimes the not so great days are overwhelming and you begin to ask yourself a million little questions, wondering just how much you are doing right because so much seems to be going wrong.
Am I failing? Am I doing it wrong? Is my instinct as off as it seems to be? Should I never have been a mother at all?
I know that these thoughts will pass and we will move into easier days, but the tough ones are tough and the doubts are real. I promised honesty when I started this blog. Here it is. Honest doubt... in myself most of all.
All of that said, I could not ask, nor would I, for two more precious children then the two I have. Tough parts and all, they are the best part of me.
Sorry. It's just been a day. A day that will pass.
Saturday, January 9, 2010
Beginning again.
Most importantly, I will, of course post photos. These should keep you going for a few days anyway. I have no idea how often I'll have/make the time to write, but I'll do my best.
A few pictures of our celebrations on Genna.
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