Another Birthday (will post pics later today).

My sweet Ella Birtukan is 3..... my baby is three!!! I woke up FAR too early, but what else is a girl to do at 2am besides bake her 3 year old a birthday cake, wrap presents and set up the house to celebrate the day. It's now almost 6 and I sit here pondering the bitter sweet emotions of an adoptive parent.
It is hard to put into words, all that goes into the emotions and feelings of today. You see, today, like any other big day we celebrate throughout the year, I am reminded of our girls first parents and those that loved them in their home country. I filter faces of our extended Ethiopian family through my mind and I wish that they were here. I miss them. I miss them for my children and for myself.
I remember clearly my time with Ababa and the heart he so willingly shared with me. His memories of Ella were so vivid and full of love and adoration. I remember the pain in his eyes as he described the loss in his life and the sacrifice he made so that his girls could survive. I think of him today, knowing that it is during this time of year that he thinks of his own baby girl, thousands of miles away, celebrating another year of life with a family different than the one she began with. It is a grief he will carry with him always. It is a loss he should never have had to face.
I think of Amama and the pride she would have had in her daughters. I think of the little women that I see them becoming and wonder how much of the love I see in them comes from her. There are times, especially on days like today, where I can feel her presence. I'm sure it is due to my own sensitivity to the day, and there are certainly other days and moments when I have that same feeling, but I know she is here. I know she is watching. I hear her voice in the laughter of my children and I can feel her heartbreak in not being able to share their burdens. Maybe it is unique to being an adoptive mother. Maybe it is just me. Regardless, it is as real to me as I my love for my girls. I know her spirit is here. I see its presence more and more every day.
I have spoken with social workers and nannies in Ethiopia since our return home (one of them within the last few hours) and I am humbled by the continual support and love they send our family and our girls. The stay up to date on our lives and love the photos we post on FB. We even get updates on them, their lives, their families, their work. They remain with us as an active part of our girls Ethiopian heritage.
I could go on and on, trying to explain the depths that I feel for this extended family of ours, but for now, I will leave it at what I have written. That, and an overwhelming amount of gratitude for everyone who has ever loved my children and cared for them. For those I met, and those I did not, thank you. Lirenso, Teketel and Lomboso, my greatest wish is that you could be here with us too... for always.
This birthday would not have happened for my baby girl if it weren't for each and every one of you. I am humbled by your gift to me and wish, with all my heart, you could share today with us....
Amasaganalu. Eniwedachuhalen.