Friday, December 12, 2008
Our First Ethiopian Play Date!
To Zayna, Zamara, and Garrett (and Beverly and Adrianne too),
Thank you so much for sharing part of your day with us! We LOVED it and can't wait to do it again!
Thank you so much for sharing part of your day with us! We LOVED it and can't wait to do it again!
Thursday, December 11, 2008
Tuesday, December 9, 2008
Later That Same Day....
and three hours after my last post....
I have a whole new appreciation for the automobile!
I have a whole new appreciation for the automobile!
The Aftermath
So here's the real deal. The real story. The realities of a new mom with two sibling toddlers, two weeks after their homecoming.....
This IS tough! The girls have gone through so much trauma over the last 6 months and somehow the expectations from the heart of an adoptive parent aren't the logical, reasoned response that this mother just knew she would have.
That first week we ventured out more than I ever expected. I think that was primarily due to all of us being jet-lagged and in shock a bit. This week has been much more home-based and low-key. The girls are settling in a little at a time and each hour there is a new challenge in front of me.
The heartbreak of watching them continue to fight through all the transition that the last few weeks have brought is still prevalent. It is hard to see them hesitate to claim things as their own or to believe that even I will be around when they wake up in the morning. I still see uncertainty in their faces when they wake up and call for me. I still see them hesitate to trust that I will come back from getting the mail (they watch me through a window) or even from the bathroom two feet from them.
The girls clocks are still struggling with US time, so sleep patterns are still a bit off. While quiet time is set into our daily routine, napping is non-existent for the girls. They struggle to rest without me in the room to settle nerves and they are running short of patience for much of anything.
The language barrier makes it tough to communicate, even with the basics understood. It amazes me how much the girls can grasp of what we say, but our understanding of them is extremely limited and I feel like a horrible parent for not being able to read the minds of these sweet faces I gaze at every day.
Attachment is coming hard for them. Even faces they see daily, they run from. Not only is it difficult for me to watch the pain in the eyes of others I love, but it is hard to be the one the girls run and stick to. It is clear that they are frightened of some other person taking me from them.
I can hear my own voice reciting all the reasons that parents shouldn't expect much in the first few weeks. I can hear all of the logic behind it and the sense of it is clear in my mind, but my heart hurts. It hurts for them, it hurts for me, it hurts for the family that the girls are so scared to love.
There are bright spots in each day, and I know that these girls are mine. I have no doubt of that, but the longing to have them trust weighs heavy on my heart.
My body is tired, lacking sleep and rest. My mind is weary, thinking of all the ways I am already failing and all the things that I am not getting done. My spirit is heavy with the hurt the girls feel, but the joy in a smile, a new word, a giggle, or a hug brings me peace and I am filled with hope.
Hope. Another day. New beginnings. New discoveries. A "do over" of sorts. Starting again, from scratch. Remembering to live in the little joys and cling to the hope of what is sure to come.
Thanks for letting me vent.
This IS tough! The girls have gone through so much trauma over the last 6 months and somehow the expectations from the heart of an adoptive parent aren't the logical, reasoned response that this mother just knew she would have.
That first week we ventured out more than I ever expected. I think that was primarily due to all of us being jet-lagged and in shock a bit. This week has been much more home-based and low-key. The girls are settling in a little at a time and each hour there is a new challenge in front of me.
The heartbreak of watching them continue to fight through all the transition that the last few weeks have brought is still prevalent. It is hard to see them hesitate to claim things as their own or to believe that even I will be around when they wake up in the morning. I still see uncertainty in their faces when they wake up and call for me. I still see them hesitate to trust that I will come back from getting the mail (they watch me through a window) or even from the bathroom two feet from them.
The girls clocks are still struggling with US time, so sleep patterns are still a bit off. While quiet time is set into our daily routine, napping is non-existent for the girls. They struggle to rest without me in the room to settle nerves and they are running short of patience for much of anything.
The language barrier makes it tough to communicate, even with the basics understood. It amazes me how much the girls can grasp of what we say, but our understanding of them is extremely limited and I feel like a horrible parent for not being able to read the minds of these sweet faces I gaze at every day.
Attachment is coming hard for them. Even faces they see daily, they run from. Not only is it difficult for me to watch the pain in the eyes of others I love, but it is hard to be the one the girls run and stick to. It is clear that they are frightened of some other person taking me from them.
I can hear my own voice reciting all the reasons that parents shouldn't expect much in the first few weeks. I can hear all of the logic behind it and the sense of it is clear in my mind, but my heart hurts. It hurts for them, it hurts for me, it hurts for the family that the girls are so scared to love.
There are bright spots in each day, and I know that these girls are mine. I have no doubt of that, but the longing to have them trust weighs heavy on my heart.
My body is tired, lacking sleep and rest. My mind is weary, thinking of all the ways I am already failing and all the things that I am not getting done. My spirit is heavy with the hurt the girls feel, but the joy in a smile, a new word, a giggle, or a hug brings me peace and I am filled with hope.
Hope. Another day. New beginnings. New discoveries. A "do over" of sorts. Starting again, from scratch. Remembering to live in the little joys and cling to the hope of what is sure to come.
Thanks for letting me vent.
Monday, December 8, 2008
Macie Laughing
Macie and Ella discovered fetch with Dudley. It was hilarious! You may not be able to hear us laughing with her, but we were laughing so hard we couldn't even make any noise! We had to get it on film!
Friday, December 5, 2008
The Week At A Glance.... And More Cool News!
Alright, so my whole idea of what these first few weeks and months would look like has completely altered. I originally thought that I would be at home with the girls and stay on "lock down" for some crazy length of time.
The girls have definitely attached to Mommy....
If there are other adults in the room beside myself, they have to be physically touching me in order for them to feel safe. That said, Mommy has definitely missed her alone time. Sleep comes hard and any time to pee is even accompanied by the pitter patter of feet racing to get to mommy before she can get her rear off the toilet. It puts a smile on my face, but it also wears on the nerves by the end of a day. It also keeps me from updating this blog on a more regular basis.
Not that I am complaining. I mean- look at these faces!
Anyway, I'm rambling. My point was, it turns out I was WAY wrong about staying indoors for so long. The girls are way too social and curious to be shut in for that long. Not only that, but it helps me feel more tied to the world and all the happenings in it. In fact, I was so far off the mark that this week, we went on an outing almost every day!
I share this to encourage those other parents that so often hear about staying inside for weeks. It is NOT a must! We did it for the girls entertainment and we did it for our own survival too! We needed contact with the outside world.
Friday- Home at 7am. Slept in 4 hour increments. Jet lag sucked!
Saturday- Spent the day at home with the girls. Marcy left for Seattle. :(
Sunday- Took the girls on an outing to Target. Weather was bad, but we all just HAD to get out of the house. The girls loved it!
Monday- Went to the park. Played on the playground. Enjoyed the swings the most.
Tuesday- Went to the mall. The girls had their first smoothies and loved them.
Wednesday- Had a play date with two other adopted toddlers. The girls enjoyed being around kids again. Big points for mom.
Thursday- Last day of sunshine for a while, we went on a VERY short outing to the zoo. Only lasted about an hour. Nap time was coming on pretty hard.
Friday- Morning routine. Breakfast. Bath. Morning naps. Then the doctor. Oh my goodness!!! It took everything in me to not cry. Eight shots (4 each) and a 6 vials of blood (3 each) later, Mom was exhausted, starving and a wreck. The girls were out of tears, hungry and tired. I am so glad it is the weekend.
To end this lovely week- I do have some more AMAZING news....
WE HAVE BEEN INVITED TO OBAMA'S INAUGURATION!!!! That's right folks! We have been issued 4 tickets for our entire family to attend. We are excited beyond words! Yipppeeeee!!!!
OK- I'm done for now. The girls are asking for me! Thanks again for all the support!
Tuesday, December 2, 2008
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