Macie was curious about the window shade suction cups. This is what she figured out.
Christmas morning.
Winter Lights.
This is how Ella sleeps. SOOOOOO cute!
Monday, December 29, 2008
Holiday Season!
In awe of all the zoo critters.
Macie was curious about the window shade suction cups. This is what she figured out.
Christmas morning.
Winter Lights.
This is how Ella sleeps. SOOOOOO cute!
Macie was curious about the window shade suction cups. This is what she figured out.
Christmas morning.
Winter Lights.
This is how Ella sleeps. SOOOOOO cute!
Saturday, December 27, 2008
The Tough Stuff.
It's 3am.
I have been in bed staring at the ceiling for the last hour thinking of all the little things that I have missed in my girls lives. The first steps, first smiles, first giggles, things that parents rejoice in and share with the world. I don't mourn those moments, but I wonder about them. I wonder what it was like for them, for their family. I wonder what the laughter sounded like in their household, how discovery was rewarded and enjoyed.
I think of them often, the family that got to experience those precious moments with the girls. I can feel their mother with me sometimes, smiling, laughing, crying with her babies as they struggle through another transition or uncover a new source of joy. There are moments when I am certain her spirit is present in the room. I will hear Macie singing with her beautiful, clear voice or I'll see that witty twinkle in Ella's eye and I will find myself smiling, so thankful for the gifts their first parents gave them.
There is beauty in those moments. There is a very comforting sense of peace in knowing that the girls have been loved and cherished as I know they have. Their uncertainty of this new world peels away more and more each day. Their personalities begin to shine and they expose more of who they truly are. As this new relationship begins to establish itself, the gaps in communication open new windows to questions about the unknown history of our girls lives. In our case, it has also brought on a new sense of loss that no one could really have prepared me to feel.
Let me explain. I've likely fumbled over wording already, but be patient while I try to get this out in writing.
You see, we adoptive parents don't generally like to talk about this part of things. We don't like to talk about the hard parts. The harder reality of it. We don't like to talk about the questions we have that we will never have the answers to. We don't want to discourage others from the gift that adoption is. We don't want to seem ungrateful for the amazing lives that have been entrusted into our care and we don't want to battle an unearned stigma after we have already fought through so many other ones just to bring our children home.
That said, there is balance in all things and this process is no different. For each precious moment of joy, there is also a very real struggle with the loss. The reality, while hard to write down, needs to be talked about. It is a complicated mix of emotions that no one can prepare you for or try to explain (though I am making a sad attempt at it anyway).
There is a very definite grief. Grief for the kids. Grief for any living relatives. Grief for the country that the children said goodbye to, and grief for the adoptive parents who somehow take on all that pain and carry a pain of their own as well.
It is difficult to express to someone why the giggle that creeps out of your children's chests can bring tears of sadness to your eyes, or why it is hard to see them learn English, only to lose the beauty of their own language.
There is a guilt that comes in raising children that were, and in some cases still are, so greatly loved by their biological parents. There is difficulty in knowing that we can so easily provide what they could not possibly have, just because of the country they were born in.
There are so many little things, things I can't begin to list off, that add twists and turns to the roller coaster of emotion that continues even after you bring your children home.
We walk this path of adoption, trusting in God's timing and in his purpose, but don't think for a minute, that there aren't hundreds of questions along the way. Some questions that are typical of any parent, some that are set aside and unique to adoption itself. All of them equally as important and just as complex as the next.
I don't know how to do this parenting thing any better than anyone else. In fact, I'm quite certain that I still have much more to learn that I can comprehend.
Still, I will take each day, each question, each emotion and I will let myself struggle with it until it unravels itself and direction becomes clear. In the meantime, trust that our girls are miraculous, brilliant, beautiful and loved beyond reason.
Thanks for the ear, Beth
I have been in bed staring at the ceiling for the last hour thinking of all the little things that I have missed in my girls lives. The first steps, first smiles, first giggles, things that parents rejoice in and share with the world. I don't mourn those moments, but I wonder about them. I wonder what it was like for them, for their family. I wonder what the laughter sounded like in their household, how discovery was rewarded and enjoyed.
I think of them often, the family that got to experience those precious moments with the girls. I can feel their mother with me sometimes, smiling, laughing, crying with her babies as they struggle through another transition or uncover a new source of joy. There are moments when I am certain her spirit is present in the room. I will hear Macie singing with her beautiful, clear voice or I'll see that witty twinkle in Ella's eye and I will find myself smiling, so thankful for the gifts their first parents gave them.
There is beauty in those moments. There is a very comforting sense of peace in knowing that the girls have been loved and cherished as I know they have. Their uncertainty of this new world peels away more and more each day. Their personalities begin to shine and they expose more of who they truly are. As this new relationship begins to establish itself, the gaps in communication open new windows to questions about the unknown history of our girls lives. In our case, it has also brought on a new sense of loss that no one could really have prepared me to feel.
Let me explain. I've likely fumbled over wording already, but be patient while I try to get this out in writing.
You see, we adoptive parents don't generally like to talk about this part of things. We don't like to talk about the hard parts. The harder reality of it. We don't like to talk about the questions we have that we will never have the answers to. We don't want to discourage others from the gift that adoption is. We don't want to seem ungrateful for the amazing lives that have been entrusted into our care and we don't want to battle an unearned stigma after we have already fought through so many other ones just to bring our children home.
That said, there is balance in all things and this process is no different. For each precious moment of joy, there is also a very real struggle with the loss. The reality, while hard to write down, needs to be talked about. It is a complicated mix of emotions that no one can prepare you for or try to explain (though I am making a sad attempt at it anyway).
There is a very definite grief. Grief for the kids. Grief for any living relatives. Grief for the country that the children said goodbye to, and grief for the adoptive parents who somehow take on all that pain and carry a pain of their own as well.
It is difficult to express to someone why the giggle that creeps out of your children's chests can bring tears of sadness to your eyes, or why it is hard to see them learn English, only to lose the beauty of their own language.
There is a guilt that comes in raising children that were, and in some cases still are, so greatly loved by their biological parents. There is difficulty in knowing that we can so easily provide what they could not possibly have, just because of the country they were born in.
There are so many little things, things I can't begin to list off, that add twists and turns to the roller coaster of emotion that continues even after you bring your children home.
We walk this path of adoption, trusting in God's timing and in his purpose, but don't think for a minute, that there aren't hundreds of questions along the way. Some questions that are typical of any parent, some that are set aside and unique to adoption itself. All of them equally as important and just as complex as the next.
I don't know how to do this parenting thing any better than anyone else. In fact, I'm quite certain that I still have much more to learn that I can comprehend.
Still, I will take each day, each question, each emotion and I will let myself struggle with it until it unravels itself and direction becomes clear. In the meantime, trust that our girls are miraculous, brilliant, beautiful and loved beyond reason.
Thanks for the ear, Beth
Wednesday, December 24, 2008
The Real Meaning of Christmas
What if, for one day, just one out of this entire year, we all wished the best for one another?
What if we loved as quickly as we judged?
What if we walked in the beliefs we say we cling to and set aside hatred for what we do not understand?
What if we forgave and let go of the pain others have caused?
What if we made our world full of compassion instead of violence?
Is it really just a silly idealist's dream or might it be possible?
If only for a day, imagine what that day could bring the world.
Imagine the healing that would begin.
Imagine the lives that would change and the hearts that would soften.
There are miracles happening all over the world in this moment. My prayer is that there is one in your own life as there as been ours over the last month.
Life is precious. Love is real. Family is what you make it. Peace is possible.
God IS real.
Monday, December 22, 2008
Saturday, December 20, 2008
Friday, December 19, 2008
Cookies, New Toys, and Hair Do's
OK- So it's an odd title for a blog entry, but it covers the last few days so your just gonna have to deal with it! :P
It is actually backwards though. The attempt at Macie's hair do was yesterday morning. I haven't tried to put hair bands around her hair yet, but at least I got it parted and twisted a bit. She was so patient with me and allowed me to meddle with it for almost an hour before I finally let her run around a bit. I was very grateful to the care center staff for teaching the kids to be tolerant of having their hair played with. It makes a huge difference to a mom.
Once the hair was done, we did some basic vocab learning with a much loved video and Dudley (who is always present) rested his weary mind and body right in the middle of it all.
The new toy was a gift from Garrett's mom. She had it sent some time ago, but we have unveiled toys for the girls one at a time so that they aren't overwhelmed. This one was a HUGE hit and they played with it all day today.
There is a bit more to share with the whole cookie making thing. If you know me at all, you know that I am part blond and VERY accident prone. It is common practice for me to forget vital items on an outing, lose my keys, have things randomly break in my presence and on holiday occasions (or really any time when cooking or food is involved) make massive messes of events that are usually much cleaner. This was one of those occasions.
The girls were watching from the stool originally, but when Momma decided to mix in the flour she moved them to the floor in the process put the first scoop of flour into the bowl before she lowered the speed on the blender. The dog ended up a gray color and my clothes were covered with white (as you can see).
The best part of the cookie mishap was the vacuuming of the dog after the spill. The girls stood and giggled as Dudley dutifully sat and tolerated Garrett taking a vacuum to his fur. It provided ample entertainment for Macie and Ella and they continued to be astounded as the vacuum sucked flour off of Mom's pants, sweatshirt, arm and even between her toes (yes, I did ACTUALLY clean up- but we couldn't waste an opportunity to calm fears about the vacuum)! We then went on a hunt for small miscellaneous items that we could feed into our new found source of interest. The last tidbit found was placed in front of the hose of the vacuum by little Miss Ella, who quietly raised her hand, waved and stoically said "bye bye" to the tiny bit of trash as it disappeared into the oblivion of the Hoover.
Anyway, thought I would share in the adventures of life around here. You never really know what's gonna happen in this household, but we figure it just keeps us all on our toes!
Hope all is well and all your Christmas's are blessed!
It is actually backwards though. The attempt at Macie's hair do was yesterday morning. I haven't tried to put hair bands around her hair yet, but at least I got it parted and twisted a bit. She was so patient with me and allowed me to meddle with it for almost an hour before I finally let her run around a bit. I was very grateful to the care center staff for teaching the kids to be tolerant of having their hair played with. It makes a huge difference to a mom.
Once the hair was done, we did some basic vocab learning with a much loved video and Dudley (who is always present) rested his weary mind and body right in the middle of it all.
The new toy was a gift from Garrett's mom. She had it sent some time ago, but we have unveiled toys for the girls one at a time so that they aren't overwhelmed. This one was a HUGE hit and they played with it all day today.
There is a bit more to share with the whole cookie making thing. If you know me at all, you know that I am part blond and VERY accident prone. It is common practice for me to forget vital items on an outing, lose my keys, have things randomly break in my presence and on holiday occasions (or really any time when cooking or food is involved) make massive messes of events that are usually much cleaner. This was one of those occasions.
The girls were watching from the stool originally, but when Momma decided to mix in the flour she moved them to the floor in the process put the first scoop of flour into the bowl before she lowered the speed on the blender. The dog ended up a gray color and my clothes were covered with white (as you can see).
The best part of the cookie mishap was the vacuuming of the dog after the spill. The girls stood and giggled as Dudley dutifully sat and tolerated Garrett taking a vacuum to his fur. It provided ample entertainment for Macie and Ella and they continued to be astounded as the vacuum sucked flour off of Mom's pants, sweatshirt, arm and even between her toes (yes, I did ACTUALLY clean up- but we couldn't waste an opportunity to calm fears about the vacuum)! We then went on a hunt for small miscellaneous items that we could feed into our new found source of interest. The last tidbit found was placed in front of the hose of the vacuum by little Miss Ella, who quietly raised her hand, waved and stoically said "bye bye" to the tiny bit of trash as it disappeared into the oblivion of the Hoover.
Anyway, thought I would share in the adventures of life around here. You never really know what's gonna happen in this household, but we figure it just keeps us all on our toes!
Hope all is well and all your Christmas's are blessed!
Tuesday, December 16, 2008
Christmas!
OK, so fits can be very humorous.
Ella loves to throw herself on the floor for 30 seconds to 3 minutes and just lay there quietly until she can calm herself enough to get over whatever she thought she could die without immediately having.
Macie has learned to take off all of her clothes and stand quietly until her indecent exposure is discovered. Without laughing (which is terribly hard to do) her clothes are removed from the area and she sits where she is until her minutes of silence are up. Yesterday, she did this and I looked at her when she was done and asked her (as she stood there half naked) why she removed her clothes. She shrugged her shoulders and mumbled something that HAD to be close to "I don't know". She had this exasperated facial expression as if she had just come to her wits end and didn't know what else to do with herself. I was in hysterics and so was quick to follow.Maybe you had to be there, but you'll have to trust me. It was super cute!
While Christmas will be low key this year, we couldn't help but put the tree up and decorate a little. I know you all really just want pictures at this point, so here ya go!
The girls had their first candy canes.
We put all the "breakable" stuff on the top of the tree.
The girls took over decorating the bottom of the tree.
We all dug into the box until their was no more to find.
I'm sure the girls are confused as to why the tree is there, but we try to explain it as best we can. We have been to other family homes and they have had trees as well, so maybe that makes Mommy and Daddy seem a little less freakish! LOL!
I can't begin to imagine what they must think of us crazies!
Ella loves to throw herself on the floor for 30 seconds to 3 minutes and just lay there quietly until she can calm herself enough to get over whatever she thought she could die without immediately having.
Macie has learned to take off all of her clothes and stand quietly until her indecent exposure is discovered. Without laughing (which is terribly hard to do) her clothes are removed from the area and she sits where she is until her minutes of silence are up. Yesterday, she did this and I looked at her when she was done and asked her (as she stood there half naked) why she removed her clothes. She shrugged her shoulders and mumbled something that HAD to be close to "I don't know". She had this exasperated facial expression as if she had just come to her wits end and didn't know what else to do with herself. I was in hysterics and so was quick to follow.Maybe you had to be there, but you'll have to trust me. It was super cute!
While Christmas will be low key this year, we couldn't help but put the tree up and decorate a little. I know you all really just want pictures at this point, so here ya go!
The girls had their first candy canes.
We put all the "breakable" stuff on the top of the tree.
The girls took over decorating the bottom of the tree.
We all dug into the box until their was no more to find.
I'm sure the girls are confused as to why the tree is there, but we try to explain it as best we can. We have been to other family homes and they have had trees as well, so maybe that makes Mommy and Daddy seem a little less freakish! LOL!
I can't begin to imagine what they must think of us crazies!
Sunday, December 14, 2008
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