I can't tell you how much easier life is with Garrett around. To have a partner that shares in the everyday's of life with you is one of the greatest gifts anyone can ask for. From the dishes, to cooking, to bath time, to cleaning, to well.... all of it, Garrett is such a fantastic hands-on father.
Not only were the girls excited to see Dadddy, but the house just seemed to run smoother, to feel better, and to be more.... right, with him in it.
He is on the phone with a friend as we speak, catching up before he leaves for Japan, but I am overwhelmed at the day. It was full of errand running, city living and no naps, but we all seemed to just go with it, cherishing every precious moment, and it was WONDERFUL! We were a family for a day and it was one of the best days we have had since we moved here.
I hate to see him go even more than I did the first time, but the girls (I am hoping) get that he will be back in a a couple of short weeks (we count days and meals around here). We will see how the next few days go, but I have high hopes that they will be different than the two weeks that are behind us.
A new storm has set in here and the thunder and lightening, while beautiful, are pretty intense and may cut off the power, so I will make this short, but know that it has been a great day. I am more thankful for it than words can say and I am hopeful that the next two weeks will be easier ones.
Saturday, July 25, 2009
Friday, July 24, 2009
Pushing Through.
We seem to have a few good days and then hit a tough one.
Daddy being gone has taken it's toll on us all, but the girls are beginning to adjust. He comes home from training for a single day then is off to Japan. To be honest, I am a little anxious about what it will do to the girls to have him come and then leave again, but I am also hopeful. Maybe if they see that Daddy comes back after a little bit, then this second chunk of time will be easier. That is the hope anyway.
The new house has a big playroom downstairs and I was listening to the monitor as the girls were playing the other day. There was conversation about Ababa and Daddy and how they are "all gone". I let it go, because I didn't want to make a fuss about it at the time, uncertain as to how much of it was just play, but the behavior that followed from Macie spoke so profoundly of her insecurity that I couldn't help but address it later on.
Macie, being the older one, CLEARLY has substantial memories of Ababa and her home in Ethiopia. It was only a year ago that she left that home and was moved to another and then another, so those pieces of her life are still clear enough to haunt her.
After a much earned and well deserved time out, I sat down with her and rocked her trying to sooth the uncertainty of another person she loves being gone. As she looked up at me with big tears in her eyes I asked her what was wrong. Clearer than anything else she could have said came the words "I miss Ababa".
I pulled her into my arms and let the tears fall down her cheeks as my own fell down mine. I miss him too. A man I don't even know, loves our children from thousands of miles away and doesn't get to see the blessings that they are. He doesn't get to know how amazing they are, how smart they are or what they look like when they sleep, what they sound like when they get the giggles, or their expression when they are being sneaky. He doesn't know that we know he gave them the best he could and then gave them more by giving them to us.
How do you explain all of the complexities of that to a 4 year old? How do I say he loved them more than himself? How can I help her to see how much she meant to him? What do you say to those tears, to that kind of pain? What comfort can I possibly give my little girl other than my arms?
I know so much of it has to do with Garrett being gone. I know it has shaken up memories that weren't far below the surface. Garrett has done all he can, as have I, and we will continue to reassure them that Daddy will come back, but that is something that our girls have never seen, and that tragedy has left it's mark.
We talked about Ababa for a long time after that. She showed his picture to people that were at the house and has mentioned him often over the last few days.
There is such a tender place in her heart for Ababa and for Ethiopia itself.
She knows so much more than any of us give her credit for. It breaks my heart to see her carry such a heavy hurt. I can fill days with play, with projects, lessons and love, but it is in those poignant moments with Macie, those windows into her early little life, that I am humbled by Ababa and the gift he gave to us.
I am hopeful that today will change things for the better. That all of Mama's talking about Daddy coming home, will now hold some meaning and some comfort for our girls. Healing is possible and we are counting the hours til we see Daddy again. I'll keep you updated.
Daddy being gone has taken it's toll on us all, but the girls are beginning to adjust. He comes home from training for a single day then is off to Japan. To be honest, I am a little anxious about what it will do to the girls to have him come and then leave again, but I am also hopeful. Maybe if they see that Daddy comes back after a little bit, then this second chunk of time will be easier. That is the hope anyway.
The new house has a big playroom downstairs and I was listening to the monitor as the girls were playing the other day. There was conversation about Ababa and Daddy and how they are "all gone". I let it go, because I didn't want to make a fuss about it at the time, uncertain as to how much of it was just play, but the behavior that followed from Macie spoke so profoundly of her insecurity that I couldn't help but address it later on.
Macie, being the older one, CLEARLY has substantial memories of Ababa and her home in Ethiopia. It was only a year ago that she left that home and was moved to another and then another, so those pieces of her life are still clear enough to haunt her.
After a much earned and well deserved time out, I sat down with her and rocked her trying to sooth the uncertainty of another person she loves being gone. As she looked up at me with big tears in her eyes I asked her what was wrong. Clearer than anything else she could have said came the words "I miss Ababa".
I pulled her into my arms and let the tears fall down her cheeks as my own fell down mine. I miss him too. A man I don't even know, loves our children from thousands of miles away and doesn't get to see the blessings that they are. He doesn't get to know how amazing they are, how smart they are or what they look like when they sleep, what they sound like when they get the giggles, or their expression when they are being sneaky. He doesn't know that we know he gave them the best he could and then gave them more by giving them to us.
How do you explain all of the complexities of that to a 4 year old? How do I say he loved them more than himself? How can I help her to see how much she meant to him? What do you say to those tears, to that kind of pain? What comfort can I possibly give my little girl other than my arms?
I know so much of it has to do with Garrett being gone. I know it has shaken up memories that weren't far below the surface. Garrett has done all he can, as have I, and we will continue to reassure them that Daddy will come back, but that is something that our girls have never seen, and that tragedy has left it's mark.
We talked about Ababa for a long time after that. She showed his picture to people that were at the house and has mentioned him often over the last few days.
There is such a tender place in her heart for Ababa and for Ethiopia itself.
She knows so much more than any of us give her credit for. It breaks my heart to see her carry such a heavy hurt. I can fill days with play, with projects, lessons and love, but it is in those poignant moments with Macie, those windows into her early little life, that I am humbled by Ababa and the gift he gave to us.
I am hopeful that today will change things for the better. That all of Mama's talking about Daddy coming home, will now hold some meaning and some comfort for our girls. Healing is possible and we are counting the hours til we see Daddy again. I'll keep you updated.
Tuesday, July 21, 2009
Goodbye Hannah.
How do you explain the death of a pet to your kids?
Poor Hannah, my sister-in-laws dog, died two nights ago for some unknown reason. She was young, she was healthy and she was wonderful with the girls.
They remember her still, even after such a short visit, and call every dog that looks even a little bit like her "Hannah".
So yesterday, when I got the call from Lou, I was sad on a lot of levels. For me it brought to mind the idea of losing Dudley and also the sadness of having to try to talk to the girls about death.
Granted, my children have been exposed to death and seen it up close, but for me to try to explain it, to even bring it up made me nervous. Not knowing what they would understand and fearful of what kind of memories and fears might resurface, I was cautious.
As I began to talk to them about Hannah, the immediate recognition of who she was became apparent and their sweet little faces saddened as they began to understand that she was gone.
It didn't take more than 10 seconds for both of them to find Dudley with their eyes and ask if "Dudley all gone?". I reassured them that Dudley would probably be around for a while but that one day he would die too. As I explained it and it sunk in a little bit more I saw tears well up in Macie's eyes as she began to understand. I reassured them and watched them process all of it.
Both girls gave Dudley a hug and recovered, but asked about Hannah a few more times throughout the day, wanting to make sure they understood. They were worried about Dudley and relieved to see him alive and well when we came home last night.
I love my dog. He is our first baby and a vital part of this family. I can't imagine losing him.
I am so sorry Matt and Lou. Big hugs from back East.
RIP Hannah. We love you.
Poor Hannah, my sister-in-laws dog, died two nights ago for some unknown reason. She was young, she was healthy and she was wonderful with the girls.
They remember her still, even after such a short visit, and call every dog that looks even a little bit like her "Hannah".
So yesterday, when I got the call from Lou, I was sad on a lot of levels. For me it brought to mind the idea of losing Dudley and also the sadness of having to try to talk to the girls about death.
Granted, my children have been exposed to death and seen it up close, but for me to try to explain it, to even bring it up made me nervous. Not knowing what they would understand and fearful of what kind of memories and fears might resurface, I was cautious.
As I began to talk to them about Hannah, the immediate recognition of who she was became apparent and their sweet little faces saddened as they began to understand that she was gone.
It didn't take more than 10 seconds for both of them to find Dudley with their eyes and ask if "Dudley all gone?". I reassured them that Dudley would probably be around for a while but that one day he would die too. As I explained it and it sunk in a little bit more I saw tears well up in Macie's eyes as she began to understand. I reassured them and watched them process all of it.
Both girls gave Dudley a hug and recovered, but asked about Hannah a few more times throughout the day, wanting to make sure they understood. They were worried about Dudley and relieved to see him alive and well when we came home last night.
I love my dog. He is our first baby and a vital part of this family. I can't imagine losing him.
I am so sorry Matt and Lou. Big hugs from back East.
RIP Hannah. We love you.
Sunday, July 19, 2009
Busy Day
I have painted our bathroom door, the fixtures, the mirror frame, the shelving unit and managed to only get a bit on myself.
I have planted a bunch of seeds in the planters on our litle front and back porch. I have gotten a sprinkler for the back yard, filled up the pool, and hung our hangy plant things off the back porch.
I have taken the girls to our new library branch and gotten a collection of books and videos to keep us entertained for the next few weeks.
I have gone through half of the boxes we have tucked away in the basement, put away miscelanous items in their appropriate places and reorganized the space we have for storage.
I have tinkered on the piano and picked at the guitar a bit, only to point myself back the direction of my to do list, disgusted by my own unpracticed skill.
We fit in a play date and a train ride at a local park, and now two little heads lay snug in their beds and Momma is gonna put in a movie and veg.
I have planted a bunch of seeds in the planters on our litle front and back porch. I have gotten a sprinkler for the back yard, filled up the pool, and hung our hangy plant things off the back porch.
I have taken the girls to our new library branch and gotten a collection of books and videos to keep us entertained for the next few weeks.
I have gone through half of the boxes we have tucked away in the basement, put away miscelanous items in their appropriate places and reorganized the space we have for storage.
I have tinkered on the piano and picked at the guitar a bit, only to point myself back the direction of my to do list, disgusted by my own unpracticed skill.
We fit in a play date and a train ride at a local park, and now two little heads lay snug in their beds and Momma is gonna put in a movie and veg.
Saturday, July 18, 2009
I Love Quiet Mornings!
I sit here watching the sun come up as I drink my coffee, thankful for a nice day.
The girls will be up shortly and another day of death defying activities (let's hope not) will begin.
Last night, after the girls went to bed, I put our dining room table together in the basement and set it up as a craft table. Our new house has it's definite perks, but a dining room is not one of them, so the table will work as a perfect craft area downstairs.
I have the girls watching different Leap Frog videos in the morning now. While their language skills have improved DRASTICALLY, they have hit a bit of a plateau over the last few weeks and I would really like to push through it. They love the videos and the info seems to be sinking so I am hopeful that Macie will begin to recognize some letters and maybe even spell a few simple word within the nest week or two.
Ella has reached this stage where she is either super sneaky, or super cuddly. She cracks me up. If she is doing something wrong and she knows it she will give me her best "What Momma? Aren't I cute?" face and pretend that being frozen in place with Daddy's hammer, Momma's cell phone, or any number of other do-not-touch items tucked behind her back is completely normal. I wish I could catch it on film. It is hysterical and usually I have to fight from smiling.
After doing her time (time-out) she will snuggle into my neck and insist on pressing her face as far into me as humanly possible and then giggling. She is such a nuzzler! Then the moment passes and she is back to finding something else to get into. It is such a neat phase (I say that at the BEGINNING of the day). The learning consequences, loves to cuddle, I think if I give her the right face I can get away with it phase. I will miss it when it passes.
Macie is taking on the older sister role quite well. She is very good at directing the activities that she and Ella take part in, as well as letting Ella know when she is doing something wrong. She has to be in the know about everything and well prepared for any changes in a day or a weeks plans. By well prepared, I mean any changes in daily routine need to be talked about before they are accomplished. From errand running to play time/play date changes, all of it is talked about so that she doesn't feel uneasy or uncertain as to what is going on.
I think much of that need comes from her age at the time she was relinquished and then brought home to us. Ella was young enough, that I think her memories of Ethiopia are fading quickly (if not already gone) although we try to keep the good ones alive as much as possible. Macie though, remembers bits and pieces still, and I think more importantly, it is the memories of separation and emotional upheaval that are ingrained in her little heart. It is the connection to that pain I think, that instills her need to know about any change, even simple ones, in a day.
We are learning so much about them still. We have talked to other adoptive families and agree when they assure us there is much change yet to come. They say it takes a couple of years to really learn your kids, especially when they are adopted as toddlers. Being where we are now, I can see the truth in that. They have only spent one month longer with us than they spent in the care center, so we are really just beginning to scratch at the surface of their little personalities. They really are amazing.... AMAZING kids. I couldn't be prouder.
Anyway, I thought I would give you an ACTUAL update on what the girls are doing/learning. It is a start to another day with no mistakes in it yet. The sun is out and the coffee couldn't be better. YUMMIE!!!!
The girls will be up shortly and another day of death defying activities (let's hope not) will begin.
Last night, after the girls went to bed, I put our dining room table together in the basement and set it up as a craft table. Our new house has it's definite perks, but a dining room is not one of them, so the table will work as a perfect craft area downstairs.
I have the girls watching different Leap Frog videos in the morning now. While their language skills have improved DRASTICALLY, they have hit a bit of a plateau over the last few weeks and I would really like to push through it. They love the videos and the info seems to be sinking so I am hopeful that Macie will begin to recognize some letters and maybe even spell a few simple word within the nest week or two.
Ella has reached this stage where she is either super sneaky, or super cuddly. She cracks me up. If she is doing something wrong and she knows it she will give me her best "What Momma? Aren't I cute?" face and pretend that being frozen in place with Daddy's hammer, Momma's cell phone, or any number of other do-not-touch items tucked behind her back is completely normal. I wish I could catch it on film. It is hysterical and usually I have to fight from smiling.
After doing her time (time-out) she will snuggle into my neck and insist on pressing her face as far into me as humanly possible and then giggling. She is such a nuzzler! Then the moment passes and she is back to finding something else to get into. It is such a neat phase (I say that at the BEGINNING of the day). The learning consequences, loves to cuddle, I think if I give her the right face I can get away with it phase. I will miss it when it passes.
Macie is taking on the older sister role quite well. She is very good at directing the activities that she and Ella take part in, as well as letting Ella know when she is doing something wrong. She has to be in the know about everything and well prepared for any changes in a day or a weeks plans. By well prepared, I mean any changes in daily routine need to be talked about before they are accomplished. From errand running to play time/play date changes, all of it is talked about so that she doesn't feel uneasy or uncertain as to what is going on.
I think much of that need comes from her age at the time she was relinquished and then brought home to us. Ella was young enough, that I think her memories of Ethiopia are fading quickly (if not already gone) although we try to keep the good ones alive as much as possible. Macie though, remembers bits and pieces still, and I think more importantly, it is the memories of separation and emotional upheaval that are ingrained in her little heart. It is the connection to that pain I think, that instills her need to know about any change, even simple ones, in a day.
We are learning so much about them still. We have talked to other adoptive families and agree when they assure us there is much change yet to come. They say it takes a couple of years to really learn your kids, especially when they are adopted as toddlers. Being where we are now, I can see the truth in that. They have only spent one month longer with us than they spent in the care center, so we are really just beginning to scratch at the surface of their little personalities. They really are amazing.... AMAZING kids. I couldn't be prouder.
Anyway, I thought I would give you an ACTUAL update on what the girls are doing/learning. It is a start to another day with no mistakes in it yet. The sun is out and the coffee couldn't be better. YUMMIE!!!!
Friday, July 17, 2009
Jesus, Take the Wheel
Have you ever been driving on a freeway surrounding a major metropolis and had your brakes feel like they are failing? Well, let me tell ya, I have!
That's right folks! Welcome to my week from hell!
We were going 60+ on the beltway around DC when it happened. Traffic was light- THANK GOD and we made it to a mechanic using the emergency brakes, but even he said we were lucky to have made it off the beltway. Apparently a bag had wrapped itself around the brakes on my front left tire and while it was worn, he said it would have easily caused a major collision had I not had enough distance between me and traffic in front and around me.
For those of you who know me and how I drive, that kind of distance (especially in the city) is not common. Usually it is bumper to bumper.
The girls were wonderful. They were quiet from the instant it happened until the car stopped and we got things worked out. That said, I have never been more scared in all my life. My own person is one thing, but the lives of my girls is something that is entirely different.
I am somewhere between sleep, sobbing, and screaming.
That's right folks! Welcome to my week from hell!
We were going 60+ on the beltway around DC when it happened. Traffic was light- THANK GOD and we made it to a mechanic using the emergency brakes, but even he said we were lucky to have made it off the beltway. Apparently a bag had wrapped itself around the brakes on my front left tire and while it was worn, he said it would have easily caused a major collision had I not had enough distance between me and traffic in front and around me.
For those of you who know me and how I drive, that kind of distance (especially in the city) is not common. Usually it is bumper to bumper.
The girls were wonderful. They were quiet from the instant it happened until the car stopped and we got things worked out. That said, I have never been more scared in all my life. My own person is one thing, but the lives of my girls is something that is entirely different.
I am somewhere between sleep, sobbing, and screaming.
Thursday, July 16, 2009
Court Date!!!
We have a court date! We go as a family to re-adopt our girls in the U.S. on August 13th. For those of you that don't know, this is fairly common practice in international adoption. Depending on the type of Visa that your children come into the US on, you may or may not have to re-adopt in the U.S. for citizenship purposes. It is more common to re-adopt than not, but it can take 6 months to a year for the courts to process all the information needed in order to give you a court date for finalization.
What this means is that the girls will be issued US birth certificates, social security numbers, passports, etc. Their names will be legally changed and all of their information will reflect us as their parents on forms that the U.S. is used to working with. Yeah!!!!
Just to give you an idea of how travel works without U.S. documentation, on the cruise we took, we had to carry both the girls Ethiopian passports and their US resident cards for identification purposes. This small difference, kept us from being processed as quickly as other US passport holders due to the documentation being a bit confusing. It is not a huge deal, and would not keep us from traveling anywhere, but it is added paperwork to explain that we will be thankful to not have to worry about.
It's also just kinda cool!
What this means is that the girls will be issued US birth certificates, social security numbers, passports, etc. Their names will be legally changed and all of their information will reflect us as their parents on forms that the U.S. is used to working with. Yeah!!!!
Just to give you an idea of how travel works without U.S. documentation, on the cruise we took, we had to carry both the girls Ethiopian passports and their US resident cards for identification purposes. This small difference, kept us from being processed as quickly as other US passport holders due to the documentation being a bit confusing. It is not a huge deal, and would not keep us from traveling anywhere, but it is added paperwork to explain that we will be thankful to not have to worry about.
It's also just kinda cool!
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