Home.

I love this state. The sun, the lake, the heat, the beach, the flip flops, all of it! I love California! It is going to be really hard to leave here. I know the transition is for all the right reasons and the change will pay off in the long run, but this little native girl is going to miss this state somethin' awful!
The people I know and love are here, my family, my friends... if they aren't within an hour of me, they are at least on the west coast. Ahhhhh, the west coast (big sigh). Most of my life's memories are somewhere between Seattle and Mexico! Now I get to face the challenge of making new friends and new memories on a completely different side of the country.
Some places just get in your blood though. Places that make you exhale a sigh of relief knowing a piece of you has found home. That is how I feel about California. There are memories here that I will cherish for a lifetime. There is also the simple nostalgia that settles in when I turn the corner and see my hometown on the horizon. There are places that taught me things and instilled hopes and dreams in me that I would not have had otherwise. Places where very real changes began and life seemed brighter in a time when things weren't so easy.
I visited one of those places this weekend (see pics below). I stood on my bridge and melted into a daydream. I have been there hundreds of times but it has never gotten old and it has always brought me comfort. I know thousands of people have walked that path and many share my appreciation for that spot, but it will always be MINE! So for those of you who know where it is, I am NOT sharing. Well (hesitation here), I might share a little, but I'm not giving it away! You'll have to fight me for it. :P
Seriously though, memories truly are deep rooted little gifts. They'll always be there and my appreciation for home and the west coast will only grow. That said, I have to be honest, in this moment- I just don't want to leave.




Big sigh.
Life moves on and so will I, with hopes for new memories and friends as good as the old.

Mixed Emotions

I had a tiny baby boy in my arms last night. He was beautiful. Tiny hands, tiny feet, the most amazing big brown eyes, and he was mine. I fell in love. Then I woke up.
It was one of those dreams you wish you could stay in for hours. One where the world is at peace and everything that's not important just disappears, clarity is instant and the simple moment is an inexplicable gift.
Now my arms are empty and my heart is completely taken by a tiny little soul that I only know by heart. Girl or boy, our baby is out there and I can't wait to finally see that face!
I know cheesy, but deal with it. It's too hard to explain and too complicated to try, but it's there. Trust me.
Update- we are number 41 on the list. So many referrals have gone out in the last week. With the court closures coming and the drought and cost of food in Ethiopia there are more and more children coming into the care center. While there is anticipation watching numbers move, there is also sadness knowing that so many more homes are being broken because of simple, basic needs that are going unmet.
I am reminded with each referral that I hear about, of the greater need to help and actually do something to impact the world and those that are suffering.
I'll stay off the soapbox today, but my heart is steady. My desire to make things better only grows. My search for ways to help is consistent, and the ache for my child and his/her family grows stronger every day.

My Jiggityness!

I'm pretty sure I am one of the last people on earth that does NOT have an Ipod! I realize this sounds like a small thing, but I did not get how absolutely HUGE it was until last night.
Garrett and I were working on downloading songs to prepare for my upcoming road trip and while I had the beginnings of a list, we hit a road block and appeared stuck. Garrett remembered that our neighbors had some good tunes on their Ipod so he went and got it for inspiration. Well, let me tell you- I now think Ipods are the best things EVER!!!!! This tiny little electronic device has the power to inspire, to motivate, and all together change the world.
I don't think that Garrett or the dog knew what to do with me. While they sat there trying to calmly focus on building a music library, I was dancing and busting a move all over the house. Mind you, the music was only heard by me, so I am quite certain that I looked like some kind of extended verticle seizure for the entirety of my dancing spell. I mean, I was dancing like I did when I was living with my parents in high school and I would shut myself up in my room for HOURS making a complete idiot of myself. While my moves have not improved, my insecurity has. I now get to share my awesome skills with my husband who has been made COMPLETELY aware of a totally different side to me. It was hysterical!
At one point the dog tried to dance along with me, but even he, could not keep up with my jiggity-ness. After a couple hours of awesome 80's and 90's tunes, I crumbled to the floor in a sweaty, laughing, exhausted heap and proceeded to fall asleep.
It was the best work out I've had in a long time. Needless to say, at some point in the future, an Ipod is going to be necessary.

The Girl Effect

www.thegirleffect.org
We can change history. We just have to act.

The Office Fake PSA - Dwight and His Take on Bears

Because it's funny and I just can't keep from laughing!

Finals, Graduation, and a Birthday!

My memories of finals.... hummmmm. The ones that stand out; Red Bull drinks (too many to count), no sleep, books opened and being read but nothing sinking in, Slurpee's at all hours of the night, laughing at things one only finds funny at 4am (graveyard shifters get this one too!), chewing on the ends of pens, staring at the wall stupefied, and feeling like I was going to die after only two hours sleep just to sit and try to keep my eyes peeled open during a test I was already sure to "just get by" on.
Finals, I hated them so! I remember all too well, the amount of effort and painstaking work it took to get through those last few tests and I am so proud to say that Garrett is done! It took us both WAY over the expected time frame to get our degrees, but we finally made it! Yeah Garrett! I'm so proud of you and all that you have accomplished! I have the most brilliant husband ever!

The Unofficial List- Number 61!

I can't believe it, but Garrett and I hit number 61 on the unofficial adoption list today! 61!!
We started out on Jan 29th being 100 and now, 4 months later are almost in the 50's! I had to do a triple take at the list today to make sure I was reading it right and sure enough- there it was! What a great number.... 61- currently my favorite number! At this rate, we may well be traveling this winter, so keep thinking good thoughts people. We want our baby home!
The last few days have been a bit odd, but really nice too! I am adjusting to this whole, not working thing. The sunshine and breeze help. In fact, I don't think I have actually seen this much sunshine since Garrett and I went to Hawaii last winter. It's nice to have some color on my skin. I'm gonna miss California sooooooo much!

Growth.

There is something to being swept away. Swept away by the wind, by a rivers current, by another persons generosity and love. Each moment we live makes us what we are and how we live those moments can be a gift to those around us. If we were to really stop and recognize each moment as a gift, imagine the change we could make in our own lives, in our families, and in the world.
They say a butterflies wings can alter weather on the other side of our planet. Imagine the difference a deliberate human action can make. If we just recognized the power we have in those minutes in life, get swept up in them, and remember the joy they bring us, how much better would our lives be?
There is always a reason to stay grounded, always a reason to cling to our knowledge of life and grasp it with all we have. How many moments though, do we leave behind, having missed an opportunity to grow and change, and maybe even change someone else. Mistakes are made and things fall through. Inevitably, people watch our worlds crumble a bit and we curl up in embarrassment, hoping it is quickly forgotten.
So often we neglect to remember that wreckage, regardless of it's severity, is repairable. We may never be what we were or see things through the same eyes, but we will survive, and in some cases even be stronger. The rebuild is hard, but the contractor is capable and we are stronger than we think.
There is such a freedom that comes in letting go and trusting in something bigger. Taking chances and risking the unknown is always scary, but it can bring so much good. After all, when I look back on this life, do I want to see moments missed because I was fearful of the unknown, or do I want to believe in what is bigger than I can understand? What do I want to teach my children? What legacy am I leaving behind me?
Some things are easier to trust in than others, but what if we just tried?