Moving Forward

It comes slowly doesn't it, CHANGE?

Change takes time no matter how you look at it. It can take days, months, years.... in our case years. Healing emotional loss is hard when you KNOW all that has happened to cause it. Not knowing complicates the process by immeasurable amounts.

The pain is evident. The difficulties are immense. The good news is that they don't seem endless anymore.  Healing will come in time. I see baby steps now, even two months after a life changing Attachment Camp experience. Each day brings proof of one more tiny step (a step that would seem insignificant to most) forward in learning to trust in a Mom that will stay.

Everything (and I mean EVERYTHING) is regimented. Structure is crucial and breaking that structure is just as important when it's done in a deliberate way. Garrett is away for training. So that shakes things up. I am a single parent in this for right now, although Garrett is still the best man, the best father, the best friend I have ever had- even from a distance. He ordered me sushi for dinner tonight and had it delivered, God love him. He knows me so well. He also knows that grocery store trips are a luxury that we can't take with both girls, let alone a trip to pick up Sushi. Short trips ANYWHERE are painstakingly difficult. It's too much for them, even still. So we stick to the house with the exception of school (attending half days only, and even that is missed once or twice a week) and counseling.

We keep to the 6 foot rule (If that- I usually have to be able to touch them from where ever I am standing). We use the sling A LOT! We cuddle. We eat (ice cream or brownies can be a great breakfast). We read. We sit. We work on understanding emotions. We push ahead. We live an interesting life right now. I think that is fair to say. :) We give our girls love we never knew we were even capable of giving and are blown away by what the human spirit can survive and endure, from infancy to adulthood. We are growing stronger through it. We are also more exhausted (LOL) but one day at a time, change comes.
I do have this to share;
If you are or have adopted recently, a child under the age of 5- just do it. No matter what anyone says. Follow the attachment parenting approach. Make your home a therapeutic household. It's 6 months to a year of hard physical and emotional labor, being completely cut off from most everyone- but it will save you years and it will pay off more than I can even put into words. If you are adopting siblings- be prepared to carry them both. The struggle with healing the hurt done to two brings in a totally different dynamic and stretches your reserves as a parent! READ all you can on attachment and bonding. Find a therapist that specializes and just go that route right off the bat- no matter what knowledge you have about your child. TRUST ME! I thought we were ready- but the signs weren't clear enough at the ages they were..... just trust me.You do not want to watch your children battle this and you don't want to live it with them. If you parent through it early, without delay, you can bypass it, almost entirely. Research. Learn. Follow through.

For today, we move forward.  I can't count the number of amazing people we've met that have guided us forward and continue to encourage. I give them tremendous thanks for their wisdom. We have more consults ahead, with all sorts of physicians, for more reasons that I will say, but I am thankful they have been uncovered. We understand more because of them.

Change will come like the weather. Life moves on. We love.We hope.