It comes slowly doesn't it, CHANGE?
Change takes time no matter how you look at it. It can take days, months, years.... in our case years. Healing emotional loss is hard when you KNOW all that has happened to cause it. Not knowing complicates the process by immeasurable amounts.
The pain is evident. The difficulties are immense. The good news is that they don't seem endless anymore. Healing will come in time. I see baby steps now, even two months after a life changing Attachment Camp experience. Each day brings proof of one more tiny step (a step that would seem insignificant to most) forward in learning to trust in a Mom that will stay.
Everything (and I mean EVERYTHING) is regimented. Structure is crucial and breaking that structure is just as important when it's done in a deliberate way. Garrett is away for training. So that shakes things up. I am a single parent in this for right now, although Garrett is still the best man, the best father, the best friend I have ever had- even from a distance. He ordered me sushi for dinner tonight and had it delivered, God love him. He knows me so well. He also knows that grocery store trips are a luxury that we can't take with both girls, let alone a trip to pick up Sushi. Short trips ANYWHERE are painstakingly difficult. It's too much for them, even still. So we stick to the house with the exception of school (attending half days only, and even that is missed once or twice a week) and counseling.
We keep to the 6 foot rule (If that- I usually have to be able to touch them from where ever I am standing). We use the sling A LOT! We cuddle. We eat (ice cream or brownies can be a great breakfast). We read. We sit. We work on understanding emotions. We push ahead. We live an interesting life right now. I think that is fair to say. :) We give our girls love we never knew we were even capable of giving and are blown away by what the human spirit can survive and endure, from infancy to adulthood. We are growing stronger through it. We are also more exhausted (LOL) but one day at a time, change comes.
I do have this to share;
If you are or have adopted recently, a child under the age of 5- just do it. No matter what anyone says. Follow the attachment parenting approach. Make your home a therapeutic household. It's 6 months to a year of hard physical and emotional labor, being completely cut off from most everyone- but it will save you years and it will pay off more than I can even put into words. If you are adopting siblings- be prepared to carry them both. The struggle with healing the hurt done to two brings in a totally different dynamic and stretches your reserves as a parent! READ all you can on attachment and bonding. Find a therapist that specializes and just go that route right off the bat- no matter what knowledge you have about your child. TRUST ME! I thought we were ready- but the signs weren't clear enough at the ages they were..... just trust me.You do not want to watch your children battle this and you don't want to live it with them. If you parent through it early, without delay, you can bypass it, almost entirely. Research. Learn. Follow through.
For today, we move forward. I can't count the number of amazing people we've met that have guided us forward and continue to encourage. I give them tremendous thanks for their wisdom. We have more consults ahead, with all sorts of physicians, for more reasons that I will say, but I am thankful they have been uncovered. We understand more because of them.
Change will come like the weather. Life moves on. We love.We hope.
Saturday, May 21, 2011
Monday, March 21, 2011
Change
Two girls.
Home two years.
Both with two diagnosis so far.
More work being done. Labs requested.
Doctors and Therapists doing all they can.
Next step is finding a DAN! doctor for further testing.
RAD & PTSD- 7 little letters filled with pain and anger.
Mom is at home. Dad is fighting to remain stationed close to home so he can help.
It's unlike anything you could ever imagine.
Home two years.
Both with two diagnosis so far.
More work being done. Labs requested.
Doctors and Therapists doing all they can.
Next step is finding a DAN! doctor for further testing.
RAD & PTSD- 7 little letters filled with pain and anger.
Mom is at home. Dad is fighting to remain stationed close to home so he can help.
It's unlike anything you could ever imagine.
Friday, April 23, 2010
Ella's 3rd Birthday in Pictures.
We kept it simple and had a great time as a family. The girls are thrilled to have new toys to share!
Another Birthday (will post pics later today).
My sweet Ella Birtukan is 3..... my baby is three!!! I woke up FAR too early, but what else is a girl to do at 2am besides bake her 3 year old a birthday cake, wrap presents and set up the house to celebrate the day. It's now almost 6 and I sit here pondering the bitter sweet emotions of an adoptive parent.
It is hard to put into words, all that goes into the emotions and feelings of today. You see, today, like any other big day we celebrate throughout the year, I am reminded of our girls first parents and those that loved them in their home country. I filter faces of our extended Ethiopian family through my mind and I wish that they were here. I miss them. I miss them for my children and for myself.
I remember clearly my time with Ababa and the heart he so willingly shared with me. His memories of Ella were so vivid and full of love and adoration. I remember the pain in his eyes as he described the loss in his life and the sacrifice he made so that his girls could survive. I think of him today, knowing that it is during this time of year that he thinks of his own baby girl, thousands of miles away, celebrating another year of life with a family different than the one she began with. It is a grief he will carry with him always. It is a loss he should never have had to face.
I think of Amama and the pride she would have had in her daughters. I think of the little women that I see them becoming and wonder how much of the love I see in them comes from her. There are times, especially on days like today, where I can feel her presence. I'm sure it is due to my own sensitivity to the day, and there are certainly other days and moments when I have that same feeling, but I know she is here. I know she is watching. I hear her voice in the laughter of my children and I can feel her heartbreak in not being able to share their burdens. Maybe it is unique to being an adoptive mother. Maybe it is just me. Regardless, it is as real to me as I my love for my girls. I know her spirit is here. I see its presence more and more every day.
I have spoken with social workers and nannies in Ethiopia since our return home (one of them within the last few hours) and I am humbled by the continual support and love they send our family and our girls. The stay up to date on our lives and love the photos we post on FB. We even get updates on them, their lives, their families, their work. They remain with us as an active part of our girls Ethiopian heritage.
I could go on and on, trying to explain the depths that I feel for this extended family of ours, but for now, I will leave it at what I have written. That, and an overwhelming amount of gratitude for everyone who has ever loved my children and cared for them. For those I met, and those I did not, thank you. Lirenso, Teketel and Lomboso, my greatest wish is that you could be here with us too... for always.
This birthday would not have happened for my baby girl if it weren't for each and every one of you. I am humbled by your gift to me and wish, with all my heart, you could share today with us....
Amasaganalu. Eniwedachuhalen.
It is hard to put into words, all that goes into the emotions and feelings of today. You see, today, like any other big day we celebrate throughout the year, I am reminded of our girls first parents and those that loved them in their home country. I filter faces of our extended Ethiopian family through my mind and I wish that they were here. I miss them. I miss them for my children and for myself.
I remember clearly my time with Ababa and the heart he so willingly shared with me. His memories of Ella were so vivid and full of love and adoration. I remember the pain in his eyes as he described the loss in his life and the sacrifice he made so that his girls could survive. I think of him today, knowing that it is during this time of year that he thinks of his own baby girl, thousands of miles away, celebrating another year of life with a family different than the one she began with. It is a grief he will carry with him always. It is a loss he should never have had to face.
I think of Amama and the pride she would have had in her daughters. I think of the little women that I see them becoming and wonder how much of the love I see in them comes from her. There are times, especially on days like today, where I can feel her presence. I'm sure it is due to my own sensitivity to the day, and there are certainly other days and moments when I have that same feeling, but I know she is here. I know she is watching. I hear her voice in the laughter of my children and I can feel her heartbreak in not being able to share their burdens. Maybe it is unique to being an adoptive mother. Maybe it is just me. Regardless, it is as real to me as I my love for my girls. I know her spirit is here. I see its presence more and more every day.
I have spoken with social workers and nannies in Ethiopia since our return home (one of them within the last few hours) and I am humbled by the continual support and love they send our family and our girls. The stay up to date on our lives and love the photos we post on FB. We even get updates on them, their lives, their families, their work. They remain with us as an active part of our girls Ethiopian heritage.
I could go on and on, trying to explain the depths that I feel for this extended family of ours, but for now, I will leave it at what I have written. That, and an overwhelming amount of gratitude for everyone who has ever loved my children and cared for them. For those I met, and those I did not, thank you. Lirenso, Teketel and Lomboso, my greatest wish is that you could be here with us too... for always.
This birthday would not have happened for my baby girl if it weren't for each and every one of you. I am humbled by your gift to me and wish, with all my heart, you could share today with us....
Amasaganalu. Eniwedachuhalen.
Thursday, April 22, 2010
Update in Pictures.
A game of catch with Ella. Macie riding her bike and of course, some pics of the Spring season here in Maryland. It is beautiful!!! Ella turns 3 tomorrow!!! Crazy how fast time flies!
Wednesday, April 7, 2010
Wednesday, March 10, 2010
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