Let me first say, before you read the below spewing of complaints, that I realize I am simply whining. I am well aware of what is ahead and what is a present reality for so many military families, but for me, this is still new, and I, being a rookie, feel I have some room to complain. Maybe that is wrong, but if it is, please forgive me and understand, it's been a long year! On to the complaints.....
It has been a month of transition and change for every life in our household. It started with a move into a new house, shortly followed by a cruise, followed by a return to our new home and a few short days before Garrett left for training in Pennsylvania.
We are all spinning a bit and trying to get our footing back. The house is unpacked and fairly settled, although there are a few paintings left to hang. Familiar things are out and the girls have fallen in love with the yard, as it has a swing set, a slide and a sandbox that the previous tenants (who were also a USU family) were kind enough to leave for us.
I must say though, that the hardest part of all of this has been seeing Garrett leave. Not only was it hard for my own selfish reasons, but the heartbreak so evident in his eyes as he left the girls put tears in my own and it took everything in me to not resent the military end of our families life.
Most of the time, medical school is the focus and the military is set on the back burner in our home, but to lose Garrett for a month (as pathetically short as that is for most military families) is hard. This is the 2nd time I have had to do it in just 1 year and I am a bit tired of it.
Needless to say, my appreciation and respect for military families that loose their partners and spouses for full deployment purposes has increased exponentially.
As for the girls, they are adjusting as best they can, but it has not been pretty. The girls are pushing and testing Momma, not sure if I will be the next to leave maybe?
Yesterday was our first day without Garrett and Macie figured out a very creative way to dig old tile off the bathtub during bathtime (usually a peaceful, playtime for them), and then Ella, after sitting on the potty for 15 mintues (mind you she has had very few accidents over the last five months) decided that she not only had to pee while watching a Reading Rainbow, but she had to pee all the way through our chair cushion. Today, we went back to pull-ups (a wise decision considering the outcome) and Macie went back to screaming like she did when we first brought her back from Ethiopia.
Mind you this behavior is intermingled with hours of running around outside, walks around the neighborhood and playtime in the basement. This is not excess energy, it is fear and insecurity and I am absolutely unsure as to how to make it better other than to revert back to what we did when we brought them home
It breaks my heart to see them so uncertain of what is going on. I have set up play dates for this week, but have canceled most of them because I just feel as if we need to re-settle a bit and find our stability again.
Daddy being gone is a curve ball we just couldn't prepare them well enough for, I'm afraid. Both Garrett and I have talked to them at length about this part of life. We talk on the phone and send videos when we can, which help, but it's certainly not the same.
I am tired and broken down a bit, but only on day two, so I am trying my best to pick my battles (there are endless options there) and give us all A LOT of room to breathe. Boundaries are being re-established and I am re-learning them myself. Garrett is an amazing father, so the lack of his presence in the house is painfully evident on many levels. We are our own little unit, this family we have created and we just don't function well with one of us missing.
So, as I continue on this single-mom-for-a-month adventure, I will let you know how things go, post what I can when I can and I will try to fill my days with play dates, outside activities and anything else I can think of to distract the girls and myself from our missing piece.
We love you Daddy...... We'll be here when you get home.
