Waiting for Someday...

My heart broke today, thinking of all the days in my life that I have spent waiting for the "some day's". The day when I would be old enough to date, to drive, old enough to order an alcoholic beverage, old enough to get married, old enough to know myself.... waiting to get out from under debt, waiting to graduate from college, move to London, move home, now the move to Bethesda and waiting for the kids. I think of all the days in between the "some day's" and I wonder what happened in those days that got me to the big days (that's a lot of day's).
I know in my head that it isn't the end result that defines us. It is the getting there that makes us who we are in the end. It's in the day to day, in the struggles and in the waiting that proves our character.
I don't know if it can make sense to anyone other than myself, but my heart aches for time to enjoy the moments of the day. When I was at my best, I was broken. I was open to see all the little miracles that brought reflection and peace to life. The things that remind us that there is something bigger than ourselves in control. There was such a solace in it... such a calm resolve and hope in knowing that regardless of what the next day brought, I was EXACTLY where God wanted me. It was a feeling I felt down to the tiniest cell in my body. I had lost everything and discovered a new foundation, far stronger than the first. A beginning that I was humbled by and thankful for.
Now, I struggle again, finding myself consumed by work, worry, and anxiety over what is to come and how we will get there. Life happens, we all have things to do, but I never wanted to be this person again. The Beth that forgot what life is really about.
I'm not scared of things not working out or God not providing.... I know he will- that's just who he is. It's losing sight of His greatness that I fear most. I have forgotten to thank him for putting the dreams within me in the first place. I've forgotten to thank him for making them happen, for blessing me with the faith to believe that they are only from Him, regardless of what others think or say. He placed these hopes in me before I even knew they were there.
Somehow, I have forgotten all of that... what a human thing to do. It has only distracted from the miracles that are right in front of me every day. What a terrible waste of time! ;p
Here's to being brave, fighting the status quo, and remembering what it is to live each moment simply enjoying the miracle of it!