Finding Center

Sometimes I think life is just a series of challenges that test our ability to maintain balance and calm while our whole world is being turned upside down. Similar to bumpers when your bowling or training wheels on a bike, those challenges nudge us back onto the path we were meant to be on. While some "nudges" are a little stronger than others, it is our own force and speed that create the harshness of the impact. I must admit, I have at times nudged my way right into some serious emotional injury, bordering on full blown devastation. Sadder still, is the injury I have caused others along my own bumpy way. I can't tell you how many words I've said and things I've done that I wish I could drag back into my psyche and bury.
I bring this up not because our little world is crazy right now, but because I see the chaos that is coming and I anticipate what is ahead. Knowing that change brings all kinds of physical, mental, and emotional response, I am beginning now, to prepare for the moves and travels that will come over the next 4 months. Along with loading up boxes full of random household items, I am beginning to contemplate what all of these means for me as a person, as a woman, as a girl (I know, I am far beyond girlhood, but ask any woman and she will tell you that there will always be a part of her that is VERY much a girl).
This move and many of the things surrounding it will be new and different, forcing me to reevaluate my own life, who I am, what I want, and how I want to get there. I won't have the burdens I have now, but I know those burdens will be traded for others that I am not as familiar with. My exhaustion level will be much less, but I will also have time I have only dreamed of having and no clear direction (at least at this point) of what to do with it. The world is at my feet and I am overwhelmed.
My hope is that through the travel across the country I will begin to unravel all this tightly wound tension and begin to relax into the someone I want to become. Each day we choose who we want to be, but this whole move thing has me wanting to reinvent myself. "Where is all of this change leading?", you ask. I don't know. I guess we'll both have to just wait and see.