Funny Stories and Family Updates

First off, let me clarify something with all of you. It has been a LONG time since we have experienced any of the commentary that I posted on in my last blog. I wrote on the subject due to a conversation I had earlier in the week that reminded me of all the things I never really got into about RAD, the diagnosis and the day-to-day therapudic parenting techniques we use in our house to manage all of it. Once I started writing I seemed to suddenly take on all the emotions that rolls into parenting a RAD kid. Clearly, I got a little caught up. I hope the content got across as much as the emotion did. :)

Moving on.

So in the last two weeks, Macie has gone from hating math to loving it. She is adding and subtracting double digits, and has even learned to carry the 1 when she is adding. Now she has this amazing pride in herself and can't wait to get math done first thing in the morning. Macie has needed me right there next to her if she has questions or if the computer has a problem. Today, she got all huffy and after a few frustrated sighs, she let me know that she wanted to do her math alone. She cracks me up. I left her alone and she was more than fine asking for help when she needed it. I love this kid. :)

We have also worked on reading quite a bit. It's hard to believe it, but just 4 months ago this kiddo refused to read at all to me. She just wouldn't do it. Now, she reads outloud to me multiple times throughout the day without me even prompting her (thank you TimeForLearning.com). We just started reading Charlotte's Web for the 2nd time and she is taking turns reading alongside me. She can actually get the vast majorit of words down. The kid is a sponge.
In crafting news (sort of), we started working on Ella's room. There are still repairs that need to be made due to all the damage done, but we cleaned up a lot and did some painting that left the room and the furniture much improved. By "we", I actually do mean Macie and me. She and I have painted a ton of stuff. By the time we were done, we were both laughing and very pleased with ourselves and our "For:Ella Love: Mamma and Macie" with a heart, that we had painted on the back of her new dresser.

There is still work to be done, but in the months ahead, we have time. It's refreshing to see her bed up and things on the wall again. Both the girls had rooms that were pretty bare for so long that it's refreshing to have them both look more lively now. It is always an added perk to see Garrett's expression when he comes home and discovers just how much transformation can take place in a room during just one of his 12 hour days.

Medical school is a subject I don't cover much. It is a mixed bag. Garrett loves medicine. He loves the practice of it and being treated like a doctor (which is really what he is- this isn't civilian medicine after all. He has his own patients and as Macie says, he's "Busy savin' lives".) at Walter Reed. We are into year four and Garrett is finishing up one of two months he will spend on internal medicine. This rotation has meant 6 days of work a week and being on-call every 3rd day (which means longer days like 5am until 9 or 10pm instead of being home around 5pm). We have one month of internal medicine off and then he goes back to it over the month of November. My fingers are crossed that he will have some kind of Thanksgiving break so that we can fit in a visit to Ella that includes him, but that is something we won't know until the rotation begins.

So, for the month of October, Garrett moves to working at a local AIDS clinic which means great hours (8-5ish with weekends off we think) and more time at home. This is such a nice gift for us. We miss family time. Anyway, Garrett graduates in April and we move shortly thereafter. We will have no idea where until mid December.  It's another aspect of life I never imagined myself able to tolerate- choices of that magnitude being out of my control. Now, it's not even on my radar. It seems almost insignifigant. There are so many other things that are more important than some silly move that is 7 months away. In a way I am thankful that I don't have any say in the decision. It would likely just add more stress to what will be an already overloaded household.

I speak with Ms. C every day. Ella is in a holding pattern. It is one that is expected and normal with these kids, but frustrating none the less. She is passive/agressive in ways that are subtle and underlying, but could be hurtful and destructive to the hearts of those she is around. Again, I am reminded that she is EXACTLY where she needs to be. The family she is with is a healthy one with strong connections and attachments to one another. They have seen this before in other kids and they are strong enough to respond as they have been taught. If she were home, she would reek havoc on Macie's little heart.

Just today, Macie and I were sitting on the couch and she was talking about how much she missed Ella. I asked her to tell me what she missed and she started to tell me about a time that Ella had actually done something mean to her, but when Ella laughed, Macie dismissed it because Ella's laughter was so contagious. We sat for a minute and I asked Macie some questions the directed the conversation the way it needed to go in order for her to see what had really happened. Macie teared up. She hadn't realized that Ella had actually been laughing AT her, not with her.

We talk things through a lot in our house. I don't lie. I don't skirt around issues. I don't think it helps anything. Santa doesn't exist. St. Nicholas did. The holiday isn't about getting. It's about Christ and celebrating what he gave. Not everyone celebrates Christmas. It's not wrong to believe something different or be friends with someone who does. It's not wrong to love, no matter who they are. It IS wrong NOT to. There is a difference between loving someone and liking what they are doing. It ISN'T fair that we don't match. God exists, put our family together, and doesn't make mistakes. Beautiful things can come from painful experiences. We wouldn't avoid these talks if we could. They are some of the best parts of parenting. They aren't a daily occurance. They aren't even sought out, but when they happen- they are priceless.

We talk about Ella in the same way. We talk about what Ella has said and done. She has done some pretty memorable things around here. When those things come up we hash through them. We talk about what it means for Ella to be sick and what we hope for when she comes home. We talk about how it's a heart thing for her and how scared she must be on the inside. We talk A LOT about how most of the time, people think it's easier to let the fear turn into anger, than it is to face the fear head on and talk about it. We talk to heal. We talk to resolve. We talk to bring the darkness into the light and it does.

Macie misses the sister she has never had, like I missed the Macie I had never known. We all miss Ella. We wait for her and in the mean time, we look forward to meeting the Ella we have never known.